It’s been a few months since my last post and things have changed… as they always have:
- My youngest sibling, Jennifer, graduates this month… which means I have aged as much as I think I have
- I parted ways with the wonderful online geek magazine that gave me a shot, Paper Droids, to pursue my own writing
- My car is back on the road and lovely as ever – will soon be for sale so that we can get something more economical and realistic
- We moved into a condo… which is very hot but at least there is AC
- Travelled to two conventions in April
I’m sure there is more, but to be honest… all of that has been outweighed by the feeling of something sitting on my chest. I’ve been trying to find a way to describe how I am feeling, but every time I try to formulate the right words it just feels like talking about it would seem… frivolous? Talking about how I feel and how the little things are weighing me down just feels like people would laugh at it and say its nothing to worry about – that it will go away. So I’ve held it all in. Kept it to myself. It’s draining me… so I’m typing this up and putting it out there before it consumes me.
So for the next month I am going to try to refocus all of this negative energy into my writing instead. Words seem to be the one thing that don’t abandon you or judge you for the little things – so why not let them. Hopefully everything will piece itself together in a way that only words seem to be able to. Worst case scenario – at least this is here for someone else.
One chapter at a time – let’s get through this together.
The Nightmare by Henry Fuseli, 1781