I would be lying if I said that this hasn’t been on my mind this week; that the thought of losing my cat wasn’t debilitating; that I haven’t spent hours crying over the part of the couch where he slept. It is just hard. If I were to read these words out loud or try to mention them in conversation I would burst into tears, but the internet can belay that for some reason. It’s comforting knowing that there are others out there on the web who can understand.
We picked up his ashes today. We were both dreading it and yet we both feel more comfort knowing that he is with us. Sad to see him in such a small box though, he isn’t miniscule to us at all.
I have wanted us to get out and move into a place that is 100% ours for a while, but now that Jones is gone… this is the last place he will ever be… and I feel like I’m abandoning him in a way. At least it is here in a house that his parents own – not a rental we will move out of and never have access to again. But there is still that lingering thought in the back of mind that questions whether or not his soul will follow us. It sounds silly I am sure, but not if you have the emotional range of a teaspoon full of salt like I do.
I miss him. We miss him. Our lives, our relationship has always coincided with Jones. He is a part of our lives alive or dead. I just haven’t reached the point of acceptance yet. Though I did rejoin the real world today – somehow. So for Gif day I give you some gifs of Jones. They aren’t funny, won’t be for everyone, and will never be viral, but for us they are purrfect just like him.
-A
A. N. Stetzl 