My mother-in-law received a desktop flip chart this week that is composed of various moods. Though I disagree that some of these are moods, the vast majority I can stand as a living proof of their existence in the mood category. Lately I have been nothing but stressed, overwhelmed, and lets just say… istlesslay.
Monday and Tuesday of this week went by somewhat swimmingly; I had a mentee this week, I was quite excited to be asked to have a newbie listen in to my calls. I have been struggling at work as everyday I sit there and ponder my existence as a staff member, there are still many people who won’t even acknowledge me and I have been there since August last year. For example one colleague, who was on my ‘team’ at the time, brought something homemade and was sharing it with everyone. She walked into the corner, offering it to everyone as she passed by them – I eagerly awaited my turn as they did look delicious. Then she went to the person to my right, chatted briefly while I waited in what we call wrap time for her to move on, and then moved towards me… and then looked at me… and then without acknowledgement or a smile or anything of the sort she then moved to the person on my left. Needless to say I spent Monday and Tuesday making sure that my mentee was introduced to as many people as possible so that he did not feel the same way.
Wednesday I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a bus – I didn’t get much sleep, and I woke up from the little sleep I had in tears and sweating. Like most people I hate being sick, unlike a lot of people I hate doctors. I am sure they are nice people who are well-trained and friendly but the idea of being in a germ filled room where countless others have sat before me, trapped with posters that are meant to make me feel at ease are taped to the roof is unsettling. Not to mention I cannot count the number of times I have been left in a room that has not had the paper on the table changed, let alone the number of times I have sat in a room waiting for more than an hour. Here you might chip in that it is just offices then that I have a keen dislike for, not doctors as a whole. Nope. There is also a strong dislike for Hospitals, rooms in hospitals, and waiting in hospitals. My last two visits to my local hospital were abhorrent at best. The most recent I had an attendant who couldn’t seem to find my veins for an IV – in either hands after around ten or so tries… each hand. The time before that was when I was left in a room with bloody bandages on the floor… for so long that the lights turned off due to inactivity – almost 3 hours… and it was one of those mass rooms for general inquiries and no one else was in it. I know that staff and the hospital in general can be busy but it was pretty damn close to four in the morning when we left. This tangent has been brought to you by the fact that I am still not entirely present in my own body.
Needless to say – when I woke up Wednesday I was not entirely calm, you could say I was panicked but it’s not the best word… I would go with paranoid. So I called in to work and managed to pass out… and then I did it all over again… and again… and again until finally I managed to sleep a reasonable amount of hours but was left with a cactus for a throat.
Enter Thursday, which would have been a rinse repeat except for the fact that I began to lose everything I held dear… in my stomach. Nothing was immune – crackers, soup, I think I gave up after Mr. Squared went to work because although I hate being sick, and getting sick, I hate not having a back up plan. Did I mention that my car also died this week? So if I were to be unable to stop getting sick and needed to leave to the hospital or the doctors I would basically be stranded without him. Taxi you say? Try a maxed out credit card and $13 dollars to your name – not to mention we live in the absolute middle of nowhere across the bridge from the city. None of that is feasible, but at least I called in sick.
Day three: Friday. Might as well have been a zombie movie. Dehydrated. Hungry. Lost. Bedridden. I made a cocoon which was lovingly posted on Facebook, and there is no sarcasm in that. I managed to get up long enough to call in to work and keep something down which is a positive. The equal and opposite reaction to which is that I left my phone unplugged, it died, and now my employer needs paperwork because I was gone three days; more than likely due to the fact that I have a limited number of paid sick days. Mr. Squared managed… no not the right word… forced, perhaps? Point really is I was out of the bed, albeit it briefly, while he drove to get food and come back.
Fast forward to today: my throat still hurts but I am sitting in front of the computer and can breathe normally and yet… I have not only missed three days of work – which now apparently requires me to fill out paperwork – but I am also three days behind on my wedding planning which is ridiculously behind. Wedding in 42 days and now behind on everything by an extra three.
+ I’m sick
+ Car is dead
+ Behind in Planning
+ Wedding in 42 days
= Completely Overwhelmed and stressed