Didn’t I say to finish projects before new ones…

MM - 4-9-18

“The #world as we have created it is a process of our #thinking. It cannot be changed without #changing our thinking.” ― #AlbertEinstein

It’s time for a change here too, so I give you #MonochromeMondays. Ask anyone that I went to #College or #University with and they will tell you that I am a firm believer that #Iamnotapoet. Personally, I like to think of myself as a #WordSmith more than anything else because I love words, molding words, and recreating the idea of words. So here’s to #creating mess, new work, and late wine nights while trying to finish #Teagloom.

May Amy – #31 – Thirties

Dear Amy at 30,

Well… we did it. We joke with Alex that we want to celebrate a birthday in our thirties at Club 33. It would be amazing to us if it was our 33 birthday, three years from now, but that seems a little cliché or typical. It is also quite unlikely that we will be able to find our way into Club 33 without how stringent the rules are now for members, but there is always a bit of hope for pixie dust.

It will be interesting to see what becomes of us: whether we are still in Kelowna, whether we are still pursuing the imagining career, whether we have a house, do we still read obituaries, do we still play video games, do we still waste too much money on trips to theme parks. I guess I have more questions for you than I have goals or recommendations for you. It is hard to know where we will be at thirty, but I hope that we are as happy or happier than we are now.

I can’t tell you who to be or what to achieve because only us in the present really  knows what we are aiming for. We have goals, sure, but even those can change as we rediscover ourselves in different scenarios. The Amy who started to write these letters is not identical to the one I am now, and the Amy tomorrow will have learned something new to. It is never a bad thing to learn or want to learn and adapt, but don’t lose yourself in the process. Don’t lose us. Present Amy jokes about being “here for the woo” with the team, and hated the idea of being the token extrovert who isn’t necessarily good at anything else. Being the woo doesn’t mean that at all – it just means that we find it easier to be outgoing than others in similar situations. Don’t forget that.

I’m not afraid of thirty – in fact I’ve experienced loads of women in their thirties who have been just as much fun if not more fun than I am now. It’s just a number to signify your existence on this planet – it doesn’t define who we are or what we should have achieved. Here’s hoping we still get ID’d though when we feel the need to indulge in a bottle of White Zinfandel or Pinot Gris. Wine didn’t used to be our thing, but then again we did used to drink over our capacity in high school and then stopped after graduating to avoid becoming an alcoholic. Different ages, different perspectives, different variations of the same person: Amy.

This is starting to feel more like a wordy cliché bouquet than anything else, but it’s true. I look forward to seeing how and when we will grow next and I hope that we get to learn as much as possible before we are thirty and even afterwards. It’s been an odd month of writing to myself and I am sure that I would do it again dependent on the timeline. Do I feel like I know myself better? I don’t know. Do I feel like I’ve come to terms with more things, or things that I thought I had been over? Some wounds shouldn’t be reponeded, but those weren’t necessarily included either. See you in four years to spill all of my secrets and scenarios from growing up? Well, I will see you tomorrow, but rewriting memories and revisiting this concept later sounds good to me. Here’s to the next thirty. May they be adventurous.

-A

 

 

May Amy – #30 – Almost there

Dear Amy at 29,

By this point… if we haven’t published one of our novels, even self-published, then we need to drop all fears and find ourselves a great self-publishing offer. That’s it. No more excuses. It must seem weird to you that I am pushing this so much, but current Amy still questions a lot of things. Probably sounds even weirder given how outgoing we are as an individual, but it’s true that we tend to over think and over analyze. It makes us a good sounding board, and we are quick to consider multiple options.

It is my hope that we have a new cat by now and that the healing process has come full circle. Jones was such an important part of our lives and I feel bad thinking that we wouldn’t give another cat a chance at a new life. I think Jones would be glad that we gave another feline friend a better home outside of the shelter. There are lots of cats at the SPCA and other shelters here, and it would be nice to take in one that has been waiting awhile. I know that the older ones are less popular, since they are closer to the end, but I think that would be a great fit for us. A cat companion who is older and calmer, one who likes to eat and sleep and cuddle, and one who is happy in the sunshine through the window. Damn… I miss that cat.

It may be a morbid thought, but I wonder how many more people will die between now and 29. So many of our friends and family members have already passed on that it seems almost inevitable that the count will be high.We found out about another loss this week, our Tim Hortons companion, Des. Sad to say that we found out much too late. We had gotten him a Christmas card but didn’t see him much around the winter. It’s still here at the house because when we did see him the few times after the holidays we just didn’t have it with us. I’m avoiding looking at it. It’s in our office on the pink memory board.

This will also be the year of our five-year wedding anniversary. When I asked Alex what I should write about to you, he said that I could write about us being together. Seems like an obvious statement to me now. Why wouldn’t we be. It’s a thought that I don’t say out loud too often, but I really believe that he saved our life. We weren’t in the best of phases when we met him, but he was there and open to helping anyway he could. He’s the yin to our yang, keeps us balanced and we reciprocate, notices the small changes in demeanor, shares our love for perfection with flaws, and would stop the world if needed. That probably sounds like a lot of cheese, but at least its Gouda.

We had joked about going back to Walt Disney World for our fifth anniversary and renewing our vows at the parks — or in some place unique anyway. I am pretty sure that we suggested the parks and he didn’t argue. It would be nice to do something small anywhere really and just celebrate how far we’ve come. It will be five married years, but it will also be twelve years that we have been together and worked through any divots. Tate used to joke that we were like Hawk and Dove, balancing and understanding of each other in such a unique way that is specific to us. I just hope that we continue to talk churros, cartoons, and cheeseburgers.

-A

 

May Amy – #29 – Dreamin’

Dear Amy at 28,

When we were younger we used to think about staying 18 forever. Every dream or ideal involved us staying 18 years old. At 28 this will be 10 years past our once ideal age, but even now I am glad that we didn’t find some weird way to stay 18. We aren’t a huge fan of birthdays because they tend to be negative, but getting older isn’t something we are really worried about anymore – I hope we still feel the same.

If we don’t have a house by now… I think I would be a bit disappointed in my older self. Granted it doesn’t have to be a house, if we could own some sort of property by now that would be an accomplishment. Also, I hope that we still have our friends from DI. Having lost connection with so many friends in the years that I have already existed, I would be surprised if we kept any – but hopeful 26-year-old me is optimistic about the latest set of friendships.

I would tell you about how much we want to have our novels published, how much we want to be an Imagineer, how much we want to be in California more often than now – but I think you know all these things. We’ve just recounted 26 years of our existence so if we don’t remember this two years from now – take it as a potential red flag.

Another topic of interest will probably be whether or not we are having kids. We’ve changed our minds a few times. Before we got married, our agreement with Alex was 2-4 kids and then after the honeymoon it switched to no more than 2. Now we are all under the same impression that we don’t really want them at all. Children can be great for a lot of people, but we are happy with it being just the two of us. Will be interesting to see if this changes again by the time we hit 28.

If we are still in Kelowna, still in the condo, still without one of our novels published – don’t worry too much, Amy at 28. I know us and we will judge ourselves until the cows come home or whatever the saying is… actually… I know us now, but maybe we won’t be the same. We come off fairly strong and secure, so maybe we will mirror it at 28.

– A

May Amy – #28 – Here’s to next year

Dear Amy at 27,

Writing to my future self is a little bit weirder than writing to the past. I don’t know what is going to happen in the future, but there are things that I hope would come to pass. Maybe that is what these will be.

Next year is going to be an interesting one. Right before our birthday we are running a marathon to celebrate our birthday and the second half of our twenties. True that this year was really the first year of the second half, but we are nearing the ages where we really hadn’t considered too much. Maybe we are the only one, but most of our planning and goals revolved around the early twenties and then the mid-thirties onward. Everything 27 to 33ish hasn’t really been mapped out.

Aside from completing the Infinity Gauntlet challenge with runDisney, I think there are a few things that I would like to cover:

  • Cook more. We can bake really well and we can cook somethings, but I would really like to cook more often for us and Alex
  • I would like to continue to progress with our day job and network as much as possible – maybe even get better at accepting compliments
  • Plan the next Park for Anett and I’s trip to every park!
  • Have at least of of our novels published – stop overthinking
  • Return to looking at buying a place. This is something we actually did last year if you remember, but we needed to postpone for other things
  • Have exercise a part of our weekly routine

Alex is commenting about how we will have a house next year because he will be extremely successful, which means that we can afford to fly to California and visit the parks once a month. I’m taking this as a round about permission to do so and noting it for future reference. When Alex is very successful he will buy the house and help us get to the parks every month. This is enlightening.

As a side note to round this out, if possible (and financially responsible) I would like to do the Coast-to-Coast challenge next year for runDisney. It might not be 100% feasible, but this goal can be pushed until it is reasonable. Although we are not the most athletic of borg, I do think that we will enjoy these marathons and exercising. We are definitely out of shape and this is apparent by panting after doing a number of stairs, but all it takes is a little time and patience.

  • A